In this state we accept others with their own feelings, we easily overcome any unexpected difficulties and we do not lose our positive attitude even if something negative happens in our surrounding world.
But unfortunately, most of us cannot always
remain in this positive state. Usually, we easily lose this state because of fear, anger, lack of confidence, anxiety, depression and other feelings. And then any negative event in our reality makes us even more angry or even more depressed. For example, if one suffers from low self-esteem, than any critique will even worsen this and he will become less and less confident. But if you initially are self-confident, than you can easily accept critique and use it as a feedback to improve yourself, thus becoming even more confident.
So, the question is how to remain in a positive state and positively accept and transform all the events in our life. First of all, it requires continuous attention and self-development. All of us already had many negative experiences which more or less disrupted this best inner state. And therefore, certain efforts are needed to recover it and then, to maintain it. So, we are going to explore how to do that.
As already mentioned, people use different words and also professionals use various models to describe this state. In this article, we are going to explore this wonderful state through the COACH model. This model consists of 5 important elements and all these elements together create the COACH state.
1. First, is being CENTERED
. What does that mean? Centered is first of all about feeling ourselves in our bodies. In our time, we usually live out of our body. We live in internet, in phone, in the future or in the past, dissociated from our body. And CENTERED is about returning our attention back to our body and feeling that we are here, feeling the ground under our feet, taking a few moments to feel our breathing. This will make you present in your body and recover your access to your energy. Many people, talking about the worst situations of their life when they have been losing control of the situation and themselves, describe it as "losing ground under my feet». So, CENTERED is about finding this state again and maintaining it. And it gives you several advantages. First of all, you feel more confident because of having access to your energy and resources. It makes you kind of more alive. Second, being CENTERED is about being relaxed. And it is very important that we have access to both of these states at the same time
. We are confident and resourceful, but we are not anxious or aggressive, because we are relaxed. And, we are calm and relaxed, but we are not lazy and slack, because we have enough energy. Yoga and meditation, sport and workouts, body-oriented psychotherapy and manual therapy, these are all various methods that help us to become more CENTERED. And the third benefit of being CENTERED is that we start enjoying our life. Because, when we are truly present in our body, then we can have a real pleasure from our life – from tasty food, close relationship, beautiful sightseeing, wonderful music and everything else. As you can see, almost of types of pleasure we can feel first of all through our body. And this is why being CENTERED and present is one of the keys to enjoying our life.
2. The second element is about being OPEN
. That means to be attentive and open towards all emotional aspects inside yourself, inside the other person and in the field that is between two of you. Being open doesn't mean to always be kind and love everybody. Just the vice versa. That means to be OPEN to all
your emotions. If you feel angry, you should be open to your anger. If you are anxious, that's means to notice your that feeling. If it's love, if it's thankfulness, be open to those feelings. Therefore, being OPEN is about openness to your real emotions and feeling all the emotions that happening to your right now. And this is why openness requires certain brave and it is impossible to be open without being centered first. But being OPEN also means accepting all your emotions, without assessing them as positive or negative emotions. If you divide them into good and bad, then it is very hard to be open to so-called «bad» emotions. And this is very important. Because if you consider some of your emotions as «negative» or «bad», then you are trying to restrain them. And as a result, a huge tension is accumulated there. For example, if you think that being angry is bad, it's a negative emotion and can destroy my relationship and life, then you, of course, try to keep your anger inside you and not to express it. But actually, anger is a very important feeling. It is responsible for protecting us, our values and our borders. But if we restrain it and accumulate a huge amount of anger inside us, then at some point our anger just explodes in a really «negative» and non-ecological way. And, of course, it really brings damage to our relationships and life. And then, our belief that anger is a bad feeling, confirms itself and we continue to control and restrain our anger and accumulate it inside us. Therefore, if we are really OPEN to our emotions and feelings and if we express them in their early stage, then they will be expressed ecologically, without any damage to our life and will perform their true function. It is important to remember, that ALL of our emotions have something positive to us. They have their functions which are really important and necessary. And being OPEN allows them to fulfill their functions and not become destroying and non-ecological. To be continued...
© Blog by Gohar Ghabuzyan at PerfectCoaching.us